More would-be tweets...

It's a pretty sad state of affairs when you're jealous of the people on the FBI's Most Wanted list, cos at least someone wants them.

Hob Nobs have oats or whatever in them - that makes them ok for breakfast, right?

I want noms. I has no noms. I has sad face.

I wish I'd bought more than one of this t shirt. I really should've known that a three quid t shirt out of Primark wouldn't last that long.

Hearing Led Zeppelin on the shitty commercial radio station that I'm forced to listen to at work is a little disorientating. Not that I'm complaining, it's just....odd.

I'm getting increasingly addicted to biting my lips. Is this the start of a sinister cannabalism penchant?

And now some Garth Brooks type country shit is on the radio. Hold me.

I identify with far too many of the Socially Awkward Penguin memes. Faaaaaaaar too many.

Shopping for a new duvet after work may turn out to be the highlight of my week.

 Why do I always rip the first tissue out of a new box whilst trying to get it out? Does this happen to anyone else, or is it just me? Answers on a postcard plz.

Why is it that I only ever want to do things that I'm unprepared for? For instance I've taken a notion to print off some photos (thanks to my belated Instagram obsession) but can I find a memory stick or anything to put them on? Hmph, can I fuck as like.

These would be tweets if I still used Twitter.

iPad case arrived. Smells funny.

Spent morning listening to geriatric culchies talking about a bus.

Frank Mitchell is a knob.

Drinking water out of a cup feels a bit weird.

I really need Olly Murs to piss off.

I'd quite like a sausage roll.

Finishing things earlier than expected at work sort of freaks me out. It's really not that surprising that I need therapy...

If I feel like I'm getting a work out by drawing on my iPad, I think I maybe need to hit the gym again.

Speaking of which, it's disturbing how much of my day centres around food. Work is just what I do in between eating. I think this falls under the category of "Not Good".

Lady Gaga bores the crap out of me these days. I didn't have her pegged for a one album wonder, but there you go. I really wish they'd stop playing her crappy Born This Way stuff on the radio.

It's bloody tipping it down here atm. Where's Adele when you need her to set fire to the rain, eh?

I have eaten all my food. I has a sad.

I'm torn between finishing up my work at a decent hour and getting home earlyish, or staying late and having a rousing round of Desk Karaoke. I think my priorities may be screwed up somewhere...

It's also bothering me that I keep typing four full stops instead of three when I'm typing an ellipsis. I clearly need a life.

Since getting my iPad last week, I've become obsessed with Instagram. Yeah, yeah, welcome to 2010, I know - but still, I cannot seem to resist the urge to run all my photos through it, sometimes with multiple copies because I can't decide on a filter. See above about needing a life.

Why is Jason Derulo? Srsly, just why?

...More in the saga of George Osborne being a wab.

Shocked, I tell you, shocked!!

 
Oi, Georgie - fuck off.

Seriously - is he having some sort of belated April Fools day joke with us, or does he seriously expect us to believe that he's shocked that many, many, many rich people do their utmost to avoid tax? Are we honestly expected to believe that the Chancellor of the Exchequer is so fucking thick that he hasn't realised that his fellow rich bastarding cronies use every loophole under the sun to avoid having to pay taxes? And is he asking us to believe that he's just figured this out now, that it's just come to his attention? And does he really think that we're so thick that this is going to move attention away from the fact that he's just given these very same people a tax cut, while making the cost of living ever more impossible for people at the other end of the income scale?

I'm afraid I don't have any sort of reasoned argument or debate here - as ever I'm simply too fucking fuming to be able to come up with anything coherent or informed enough. I am just absolutely sick to death of this government trying to tell us that we're all in it together, when they continue to take actions that make life more difficult for those on lower incomes, while the people at the top of the pay scale are barely touched.

What an absolutely, groin-grabbingly, evil git.

He makes Darth Vader look reasoned and civilised.