Jahmene is dedicating his song (I Look To You) to his older brother who killed himself. So basically the entire nation ought to be crying by the end of this. Nicole is at it already, but then maybe she's just also sad that the collar of a strait jacket somehow got attached to her otherwise pretty dress. I get all :'( when I go out in public with my crazy restraints still on too. I feel ya, Nicole.
Other than that, Jahmene's performance was very lovely as always and now he looks like he's going to cry. Bless him. Louis tells him it was very emotional, he's grown so much, and he's not going back to his Asda job. Louis is obsessed with people's former jobs tonight. Tulisa tells him he took it to the next level, Gary applauds the courage that it took him to perform it and Nicole is just in floods and starts wittering about baby Jesus and jubilations and stuff. When Dermot asks him how it felt, Jahmene just very quietly says that it felt like he let go of something. There is literally nothing that anyone can make fun of about that, so instead I'll make fun of Louis. That's always good for a laugh, and there's just sooooo much ammunition.
Union J are next and doing a song that's been out for like a month. Which was performed on this show a few weeks ago. I HATE when people do that. I don't really know why, but I just do. They're doing You're Beautiful by Labrinth and Emeli Sande which I actually kinda like cos I like Labrinth's proper singing voice, but of course they're boybanding the shit out of it, which is to say, stripping it of any real emotion, soul or artistry. I may also be particularly bitter today because I had to spend the day with a teenager who declared that One Direction are her entire life.
Everyone loved them, thinks they're about to be something very special, blah blah blah. Louis tries to shout something at Dermot and he completely ignores him. Heh. I do chuckle when that happens.
Sidenote: All these adverts for dance Wii/Kinnect games which seem to involve people having huge kick ass parties solely to play these games - fuck off. These are played by children and people in their pyjamas when they're bored or have nothing better to do of a Saturday night. No one has parties where they dress up in neon tutus and god only knows what else to play them. Stop it. Stop it now.
Also, Niall from One Direction is starting to look like a wonky member of Jedward with that hair. He might want to keep an eye on that.
James is next and he's doing One by U2 and he's dedicating it to his siblings. Hmm. Not sure how that will go. Showing him being soppy with his sisters is slightly hilarious because it seems so out of place for him. It would probably look more comfortable if he dedicated his song to a half pint of bitter, frankly. That's what they drink in the north, isn't it? He's doing that swirly thing with the camera where it goes around and round and he follows it and now I'm dizzy. I'm slightly concerned about my oreos and popcorn making a reappearance. I'm really not loving this particular rendition of his. He's quite good at taking otherwise bland songs and putting his spin on them, but this is such an iconic song that that is just not working this time. His second song better be a helluva lot better or he's in trouble, methinks.
Louis thinks he's gonna have three or four albums by this time next year. Just, just, lol. Tulisa thinks it was a performance worthy of going through to the final and she goes off on a rant about how the credible artist should win. Look, I know that for the X Factor, he's practically revolutionary, but for, y'know, the real world, he's just ok. Let's please not get on like there's Arcade Fire up there on the stage or something. If I was at a local gig and he was performing, I'd not be blown away the way I have been by several local bands on tiny indie labels. Because they really do take risks and ...ok, I'll just stop there before this becomes a slightly ridiculous rant. Anyway - Gary says he'll be well pissed (in so many words) if he's not in the final, Nicole blabbers on some of her usual nonsense, and James looks uncomfortable. So, basically the normal.
They cut to Jahmene and Christopher back stage who are up again after the break, and Christopher sort of playfully punches Jahmene on the shoulder or something, to which Jahmene gives the best WTF are you doing? face that I've seen in a long time. Jahmene FTW, everybody!!
Jahmene is singing At Last, which he performed at his audition, so Nicole shows him her audition for Pop Stars which launched her Pussycat Dolls career. I think that was meant to show how successful you can be from one of these shows but, c'mon, the Pussycat Dolls? Lol. Anyway, At Last is an amazing, classic song which I love, and he's doing it full justice, although he could do with turning down the Mariahs a little bit. It's ok to just sing one note at a time, dude.
Louis goes on about how he's special and first class, and sailing straight through to the final. Tulisa, who needs to find a dress and underwear that actually fit her, says he's bringing the fight. Gary takes the piss out of Louis for saying Jahmazing, then repeats it himself. Oh lord, what has Nicole done to this world. Nicole then starts speaking her punctuation dot dot dot YOU'RE A CRAZY LADY. HUSH.
Anyway, Christopher is next and he's going to sing a Michael Buble song from several years ago. To show that he can be current and up to date. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA *takes deep breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHA *falls off chair* AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA. Christopher wants to sing his head off. If only that could be promised, then we wouldn't have to hear him again. Unless he's like that chicken in America that lived for years with no head. That would be weird. But possibly no less disturbing than this mess. He's making me like Michael Buble, you guys. And that's not a compliment to either Buble or Christopher. I'm making this face right now:
Nicole basically says it was an awful song choice, Louis agrees and Tulisa tries not to say it was rubbish, and Gary essentially says that people will vote for him no matter what. Dermot asks him if we'll see Nicki Minaj from him if he gets through and holy sweet jesus if they could promise us that I might actually vote for him.
btw, if someone could pop by and turn on my heating, I'd really appreciate it as I'm basically using my laptop as a heater at the moment. And if you'd like to clean up my room and house at the same time, I guess that'd be ok.
Union J are apparently singing a Westlife song, and apparently Louis promised that if they got into the semi final he'd wear a onesie. THIS IS THE SORT OF THING THAT WE WANT TO SEE ON OUR SATURDAY NIGHT TELLY. He comes out wearing a green onesie in the VT, and they zip his hood up right over his head. Best he's ever looked. They've let George sing a bit on this one, which I think might be the first time I've heard his voice in weeks. I can't remember what song this is, but it's one of those soppy songs about being there that boybands like to sing about, with strings on it and where their walking is carefully choreographed. This might be a rather sinister song about being a stalker though, cos no matter where, they are already there. That sounds like a threat, if you ask me.
Tulisa says the vocals were great but they were playing it a bit safe. Unlike her chest region. Gary agrees that it was too safe and thinks they're at risk. Nicole thinks it was great and that Louis has been a great mentor to them. Louis promises to wear whatever they want if they get to the final. I think that George from Union J might be either cracked in the head or a potential serial killer, because he has a very strange stare and grin, which I've only just noticed. And after that stalker-y song....
James Arthur is next and he goes on about how the show saved his life and how miserable he was before, etc etc. Then he gets into a weird cagey thing in Nicole's video shoot. It was dad-dancing levels of uncomfortable. Hehehe.
He's singing Power of Love and it's all haunting and dark and stuff. Definitely better than the first performance. I notice that he's also managed to stop trying to pull the clothes from off himself. I think they found a new fabric softener for him at X Factor laundry services. I have to say, I like this cover version better than the soppy twinkly one in the John Lewis advert.
Louis says he's original, credible and has the X Factor; Tulisa is proud to be a part of the show with him on it and wants him to win, Gary says it was the performance of the series and James wanders about the stage a bit, and Nicole says this is why she came to the UK. Well, at least that's a reminder that we're shot of her soon.
And that's yer lot. No sing off tomorrow night, it's all down to the public vote. So everyone phone your nan and keep her phone line tied up so she can't vote for Christopher, you hear? Helpfully, they showed the most douche-tastic part of his performance in the recap at the end, so fingers crossed everyone.
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