Halloween is coming, the goose is getting fat, it's cold and dark outside - which only means one thing. X Factor Live Shows are back!
Dermot has a new place to stand, there's a (very well publicised and therefore not that shocking) twist, Gary is actually fun this year, they're already talking about Dermot's bulge, and it's 80s night!! Whooo!!
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| I don't know if it's down to Sharon, but really, he laughs and everything! |
Girls are up first with Hannah. I have to admit, she does seem like a nice kid and she's got an amazing voice. Although apparently she isn't allowed to use it a lot.
Anyway, she's singing What's Love Got To Do With It and while she's grand, the production is swamping her a little. The judges love her (even if they get her age wrong) and everyone points out that it's nice not to see her cry for once. True, it is nice to see her do something other than the really heavy and emotional stuff she tends to do. Nice to see her enjoying herself on stage too.
Dermot points out that none of the boys, who are next up, were alive in the 80s and I immediately want to die. I AM SO OOOOOOOLD :'(
Little Nicky from Scotland doesn't know who Spandau Ballet are and can't pronounce their name. He also thinks that the 80s were all about Stayin' Alive. SRSLY, I FEEL SO OLD!!
He's in the middle of the stage singing True while a bunch of supposed teenagers in 80s formal wear dance awkwardly with each other. Nicky also has earphones in that remind me of that episode of Doctor Who in the alternate universe with the Cybermen. He's not bad, confident and with more performance than we've seen to date, but the high notes are a bit of a stretch at times.
It's gone to the ad break before the judges get to comment, and thanks to the ad for Cloudy With...2, I now want tacos. Also, am I the only person who thinks that Flora advert where the kids walk in on the parents "wrestling" is a bit wrong?
Sharon loves him and his accent, which she attempts to mimic with the expected results. Gary says he nailed it. Nicole says she loved him from the start and talks about his baby blue eyes, and Louis points out for the 300th time that he's ONLY SIXTEEN and says he's brilliant and what the show is all about.
I'm slightly concerned that I won't have so much to blog about this year, as there really aren't any completely ridiculous acts. The lack of a Jedward, Kitty or Wagner is a problem for those of us who watch the show primarily to slag it off on the internet.
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| Will no one think of the blogger?s! |
Miss Dynamix, the band Gary threw together, are up next, and one of them's up the duff. They're doing Jump by the Pointer Sisters and so far I don't know that I'm feeling it. Their voices don't gel well enough on the lower register of the song, and it's hard not to compare it to the Girls Aloud version. There's just something missing, their voices are ok but there's not enough energy with them up on that box. And just as I type that, they get off their box and it gets better. See, I was right.
Nicole says they've come a long way, sounded good and it was a good song choice but they needed to have more fun and actually, y'know, jump. She's right, they do need to exude more fun and personality. Louis agrees, thinks the potential is good but they need to work harder. Sharon calls Louis huffy, someone in the audience shouts something that I didn't hear, and she agrees with the others that they were good but they need to let it go a bit more. Gary says he wants them to have more fun and bring it and all the usual cliches.
Now it's Sharon's Overs and Sam now. She's doing Power Of Love and looks great and will no doubt sing the crap out of it, but I agree with Robbie Williams' comment from last week that I don't know where she fits. I don't know if the SuBo fans will embrace her to the same extent, and I don't know who else is going to buy her records. The fact that she suits this 80s power ballad classic so well is potentially a big problem for her and Sharon - it'll be interesting to see what happens when she tries something more modern. And I praise the baby Jebus that someone has introduced her to an eyebrow pencil.
Gary says she's in a league of her own, perfect song choice, etc etc. Nicole looks like she's in heart failure and literally can't believe how great she is. Louis showers her with praise also and Sharon is chuffed. Sam is just glad she didn't fall down the stairs. As someone who also can't walk in heels, I feel ya, honey.
Sam the Boy (that's how I'm going to choose to differentiate between them - I have no time for surnames) and Kingsland Road are up next.
Who's that bloke in the Santander advert with Jenson Button? I've definitely seen him in something but I dunno what. I feel like he might have been a murder suspect in some sort of crime procedural?
I feel like these acoustic covers of disco songs on those Sainsburys ads are problem doing Abi out of a few song choices here.
I would also like to take this moment to point out that Sandra Bullock (who's on the Jonathan Ross Show after X Factor) is clearly a witch, because no one should look that amazing at her age. I mean she's nearly 50 for the love of god.
X Factor is back and they have Caroline Flack chatting to the contestants backstage, where Sam the Girl refers to her boobs as the Mitchell Brothers. I think I love her.
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| I just hope her boobs are a bit cheerier than these two. |
Sam The Boy is doing Summer of 69 and is wearing so much make up he is literally unrecognisable. Seriously, had he not been introduced, I'd have had no clue who he was. Sam, Sam the Mabelline Man. In his VT he talks about how he's had comments about not having the strongest voice and I'm not sure this will convince any doubters. He gets a bit weak when he moves about a lot, and sounds a wee bit constipated at times. But I'm sure he's gonna get a strong teenage girl vote, so he's probably safe for a bit.
Sharon says he's got a good - not a great - voice but he's good looking and is the full package. Gary focuses more on his vocals, which is completely fair enough. Nicole agrees with Gary on the vocals but says he was the only one with the energy of the 80s. Louis calls him a little Bryan Adams - so tick that one off your X Factor bingo sheet - and says he's great and gonna go far.
Kingsland Road are next and they annoy me already. I understand Gary wanting to put a boyband through, but isn't the market a little bit boyband-saturated at the moment? But anyway - apparently Gary has picked them an amazing 80s song and if they pull it off, it'll be better than world peace or something.
It's I'm Your Man by Wham! Vocally so far they're actually pretty good. They're also good at the whole boyband running up to the girls and making them scream thing. And so far I've not identified a particularly weak vocalist. I think Gary is feeling so nostalgic over them though that there's a good chance one week he's gonna jump up and join in. I desperately hope so, anyway.
Nicole was very impressed, says they sung well even with the choreography and says they have a lot of hair going on. Louis thinks they've got great energy, gonna go far, etc etc. He just about held off from calling them a little One Direction. Sharon loves them, and Gary says there's nothing out there like them at the moment. Er, ok then Gary.
Another ad break, after which we will have Shelly. Or is it Shelley? No idea, and I don't care enough to look it up. She's even less likely to make a success than Sam The Girl - Sam is legitimately a perfect singer. She's never hit a bum note yet, has incredible power and control, and really knows how to strike the right tone with her voice. Shell(e)y always goes a bit too far and is legit mad looking when she sings. I can understand Sharon picking one of them, but I don't for the life of me understand why she choose them both.
Oh, it's Shelley with an extra e and she's singing Alone by Heart. This is one I can't sing without going full panto, so I don't know how she's gonna cope. Her make up and styling is great and she's managing to control all her bad habits. But I can't help thinking she doesn't bring anything to the show that Sam The Girl can't do a million times better. They've got her with a wind machine and going up on a cherry picker now, and she just about managed to avoid doing her crazy leg stampy thing, and is giving her very best fierce face. But I'm still not sold.
Eventually the cherry picker comes down to let her off, and Gary says she's a great character but she didn't manage to modernise the 80s song, and Sharon (literally, physically) pounces on him and tries to shut him up. Nicole thinks she did a good job of stripping it back and is jealous of her cherry picker. Louis says Shelley gave it welly, and that it was good cheese. Sharon says it was amazingly brilliant and 80s.
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| This is what google thinks is "amazingly 80s". She did not look like this. More's the pity. |
Geez.
Abi is next and I'm a bit worried. I really liked her from the start and thought she was a bit different and liked that she did her own thing and interesting cover versions etc, but I can see her being repetitive. However Nicole did a good job with James Arthur last year, so maybe she'll be alright.
She's doing a haunting piano cover version of Livin' On A Prayer, and I like it. I think she might be the indie/folksy James Arthur of this year. I don't know why they keep styling her hair so that the side that's hanging down is the side facing the audience though.
Louis calls it an amazing interpretation, couldn't hear a pin drop. Sharon calls her multi-talented and very special. Gary thinks she's brilliant and amazing, and Nicole thinks she's the only person to take the 80s song and make it her own style. I really hope people keep her there for a while at least. I also hope she doesn't rip off someone else's acoustic cover of something and pass it off as her own, like James Arthur did with Sexy And I Know It, for which I still haven't forgiven him. And about which I am sure he is gutted.
Lorna is next, and she feels like an underdog. She's doing So Emotional by Whitney Houston and will be dancing amongst topless men. Well, at least that's a bit different from her previous performances where thankfully Louis kept his shirt on. She's doing a great job of singing a huge song whilst still dancing and keeping the energy up. I think her styling is ageing her a bit though. She's only 26, I think, but they're dolling her up like a Real Housewife. She's much prettier and better than that.
Anyway, Gary says her pitch was all over the place at the start till the beat kicked in, then she was brilliant. Nicole says she also needs to work on her pitch, and that she didn't really remember her but that she was a diva in the making tonight. Louis thinks she has a very powerful disco voice and then the conversation waivers towards the topless dancers, which Gary thought reminded him of his early videos.
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| Pass the smelling salts, indeed. |
Tamera is next and has to prove that Nicole was right putting her through, etc etc. I still can't believe this girl is only a teenager. Shouldn't she have braces and acne?! Anyway, she's singing Ain't Nobody Loves Me Better by Chaka Khan and is giving a very assured performance, solid vocals, good energy and dancing etc. Then she's dancing with the security fences you get at building sites. Ok then. Construction chic, I guess?
Everybody loved her, thought she had the X Factor, is a brilliant pop star, etc etc. Sorry, wasn't paying as much attention cos I was looking for that photo of Gary. The sacrifices I make...
Luke is next and it's all about the hair. I'm bored of it already, and his ugly earrings. I just can't seem to warm to this kid. There's nothing wrong with him, just not my cup of tea. He's singing Every Breath You Take by The Police and I don't think the girls shouting for him understand it's a song about a creepy, creepy stalker.
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| Add caption |
Rough Copy are closing the show after the break, and I'm starting to wonder what I'm doing with my life that this is the highlight of my weekend.
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| At least you have more than one life, cat. |
Caroline is backstage talking to the acts, which doesn't seem to be working all that well cos there's too much going on, like Rough Copy's outfits. I do not understand what they are wearing. Like, I genuinely do not understand if they're actual clothes or if they've just gotten caught up in random bits of fabric.
Anyway, they're doing Phil Collins' In The Air Tonight and their vocals aren't quite as strong at the start as they usually are. I think that might have just been a bit of a wobble at the start though cos they seem a bit more solid now. But I think it could maybe have been a bit more...I dunno, interesting? There was just something a wee bit missing from it, even though I usually like them.
Nicole thinks they might be the best group the show has ever had. Louis calls it the surprise of the night, Sharon says it was a perfect performance, Gary says he's glad that he gets to mentor them in his last year on the show (I think maybe a lot of people didn't know that, judging from the reaction of the audience).
The Flash Vote is now open for less than ten minutes, and whoever has the fewest votes will be in tomorrow night's sing off. Ooh, the tension! They're all on stage as a clock counts down the seconds till the Flash Vote closes, while Dermot tries to make small talk with the acts. And then we get another break. FFS, like. Another chance to see that BLOODY AWFUL Lottery advert that makes me want to scoop my eyes out with a spoon and shove them in my ears to protect me from the awfulness.
We're back and once again, poor Dermy is getting harangued for his package. Hee.
The girls are all safe, the groups are safe, the boys are safe which means it's one of Sharon's Overs in the sing off. I hope it's Shelley, no harm to her, cos she is a geg, like. And I'm right, it is Shelley. I just don't see who's going to vote for her. Surely anyone who likes that sort of diva huge voice thing is going to vote for Sam The Girl, having them both just splits the vote. She's the Ross Perot of X Factor.
Anyway, that's yer lot, Cher and Ellie Goulding are here tomorrow night, and I'll see you next week for the next Live Show. Maybe. If I have nothing else to do. Which is highly likely.
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