Dear Mittens, Please Go Away.

And that's the polite version.

Welcome to my myriad, rambling and sleep-deprived votes as I try not to snore my way through the US presidential election.

So far, I'm impressed about how much newscasters can talk about so little actual news. I'm also loving how completely patronising the reporters are when explaining the simplest of facts to us. I mean, come on, I know it's the US elections, but it's for a UK audience, we're not that thick. I smirked heartily, however, when David Dimbleby kept asking a Republican strategist why the Latino vote was traditionally Democrat and not Republican, while she tried to think of something other than "racism".

I find American elections so utterly odd. Not only because rather a lot of Americans seem to be utterly mental and not to be trusted to wipe their arses competently, let alone vote, but because of all the unnecessary hooha they create. All this nonsense with machines and touch screens and hanging chads and what not - what the hell is wrong with a pencil and a piece of paper?! And all the stuff they have to vote for all at once, it's a bit much, surely? I guess it's just stubbornness and familiarity breeding superiority on my part, but I much prefer the way our elections work. Obviously America is a much bigger country, both in terms of population and area, so managing the votes and counting them is a much bigger headache, but still.

Another thing that I much prefer about our systems here, is that we don't have political advertising. It seems to do nothing but propagate falsehoods and piss people off, so what's the point spending all that money on ads, rather than spending more money actually meeting with and talking to people, and getting their actual message out.

And lol, the BBC just tried to suggest that 70-odd percent of the vote in South Carolina was going to Obama. Emily Maitlis looked well confused.

Basically America is weird. That's my take on things so far. That, and that I want Jed Bartlet to be elected.

Can they bring on some dancing dogs or something? I'm getting well bored. I think I might actually have fallen asleep already. Doesn't help that I'm doing this without snacks. Rookie mistake.

Can we not have someone shoot an old man in the face again? Remember that? That was fun. Not for the guy who got shot, but for the rest of us.

If I am reminded one more time that 270 is the number of electoral votes that we need to get to, I will 270 someone right in the face. Take that as you will.

Also (genuine question here) why do they close the polls so early? 7 or 8pm is a bit ridiculous, it's hardly any wonder the lines are so long. Why can't they keep them open until 9 or 10 like any sort of civilised country? Hmph.

Time for some Coco Pops, I think. Hmmm, this milk might be a bit dodgy :/

It's quite funny to watch people like Jeremy Vine try to explain why rural areas of Virginia vote Republican without calling them red-neck hicks.

Y'know, I think they should approach the election coverage with a little bit less on the graphs and charts side, and a little bit more on the telethon side. Make it more like Comic Relief and the like - fill the time between counts with skits and celebrities looking like tits (insert joke about Nadine Dorries here).

I think I've seen more warnings against taking exit polls seriously tonight than I have seen "Just Say No" posters in doctors surgeries in my entire life. Therefore, exit polls are clearly more dangerous than heroin. That's the message I'm taking away from this anyway.

They're talking about big snatches on the BBC. *sniggers*

David Dimbleby wants to talk about the kind of man that Mitt Romney is. He's a dick. There, we're done. Next.

John Simpson trying very hard not to say that the Chinese prefer Republican presidents because they're immoral and easier to read. Lol.

OMG THERE'S A PASTOR STEVE HOLT ON THE TV THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!

Soz. I'm very easily excitable.

Well, I fell asleep then. I dozed off before Ohio, Virginia, Colorado or Nevada were called, and woke up during Romney's concession speech. Phew! I haven't really checked in with too much more news this morning, other than the headlines, but glad to see that so far (without Florida, mind) Obama seems to be ahead on the popular vote as well as the electoral college. It would have made things a lot more complicated had he won the electoral college but lost the popular vote, he'd never have heard the end of it.

I've also not heard the results on all the state votes, but it seems that it's been a good night for same-sex marriage rights, so my faith in the existence of humanity in America is starting to be somewhat strengthened.

This was such a different election from 2008. I sat up all night, glued to messageboards and various news channels and every website I could find that would give me more information, and despite Obama's victory being a lot more certain that time, the sense of euphoria and just pure emotion when he won was incredible. I was so touched that a country with such dire racial issues could overcome this to elect the first black president and start to put that behind them. I was moved by the sense of hope and optimism, and felt a sense of hope myself for my own country, that if they could do it, so could we.

But the last 4 years have knocked that hope and optimism out of me. Obama has been a disappointment in many ways, but he was always going to be. No one could possibly live up to the expectations of that 2008 campaign, it was always going to be an anti-climax. But what has disappointed me most is the utter vitriol and bitterness with which his election was greeted by the right. The blatant racism, homophobia and sheer stupidity and hatred that so many on the right have failed to conceal. The hope that he could unite the country seems like folly now.

But anyway. It was a long night, I'm still tired and out of it, but very, very, very relieved and glad that Obama won. Here's hoping the next 4 years prove me wrong about the xenophobia, racism and bigotry of the American right. I'm not holding my breath, though.