On the subject of chicken noodle soup...

Dear Heinz,

I am writing to ask you to please cease and desist from your horrendous and frankly inhuman practice of putting sweetcorn in chicken noodle soup. This is a disgusting and repulsive habit, and I cannot in good conscience buy anymore of your products, until I have assurances that you will no longer insert heinous sweetcorn into yummy, yummy chicken noodle soup.

I love soup, you see. I have seen several of your adverts on television for the joys of soup on cold, wet, windy winter days, and I was therefore inspired to have soup for my lunch today. Since all I have at my disposal in work to prepare said soup is a microwave, I thought I would buy a can of your chicken noodle soup. How bad could it be? I thought to myself. Surely all chicken noodle soup is basically the same, right? WRONG. I was terribly, horribly wrong. For this chicken noodle soup not only has the aforementioned reprehensible sweetcorn in it, but also contains peppers (which in my opinion, overpower the chicken taste) and on top of THAT, it's too thick and not thin and brothy enough.

Now, I know that the current trend seems to be for thick, creamy soups. But there are still those of us out there who like a thin, brothy type soup. I may not be trendy or cool or fashionable for liking this, but given that every other one of your soups is thick, you'd think that you would at least have the decency, the common courtesy and humanity, dagnabit, to provide something for the rest of us. I thought that your chicken noodle soup would be it, but I was wrong.

Now my day is ruined and I feel like I want to barf. SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE, HEINZ??!!!! I'm having to eat Haribo to get rid of the taste of that wretched sweetcorn and I'm getting heartburn. My day's productivity is ruined, and I am strongly considering seeking legal advice to sue you for emotional and physical damages, as well as for loss of income as I will surely not be able to continue working today after such a scarring and distasteful experience.

Yours,

Disgrunted soup-lover.