Two Irish kids take on Rihanna

These kids are amazing!! Expect Louis Walsh to try to sign them up for X Factor, and for one of the contestants to immediately rip of their rendition of We Found Love.

Brilliant.

My Muppets obsession continues...

This is bringing me untold joy today.

The drinking Kronenbourg on the beach is what makes it art.

Why is Bruno Mars?

Seriously, just why?

His stupid, piece of crap song Marry You is on the radio. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THAT THEY LIKE THIS SHIT? "I think I wanna marry you". Oh really? You think, huh? Well, that's nice. That's what every girl wants to hear in a love song written about her. I have the same conviction and depth of feelings towards you as I do towards that pasta sauce I bought for dinner a few days ago and haven't eaten yet. I think I might have it tonight, we'll see. THAT IS NOT A SUFFICIENT LEVEL OF COMMITMENT IN A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL, BRU-BRU.

Apart from his stupid crappy songs and his stupid ridiculous lyrics, I think it's the stupid smug look on his stupid face that annoys me the most. Although, obvs, there are a lot of things to choose from. But seriously, look at him:

How is it possible to not want to smack that face everytime you see it? In fact, I just got distracted at work and have come back to this post a few hours after I started it and I *still* want to slap him. That's longevity of irritation, that is.

But since I'm now distracted by a pretty new coat and boots I got for a fiver (srsly, 5 quid for boots - I don't care if they fall apart after 3 wears!), I shall leave poor Bru-bru alone. FOR NOW.....

X Factor - The Results!

Ok, it's the first X Factor results show where your votes actually matter! Lol, like this is really a democracy and not entirely stage managed. So, first of all we have the mimed group performance (that Hello dance track - I honestly can't be arsed looking up the proper name or the artist) which seems to be weirdly out of sync - not sure if that's the broadcast, or if something odd was happening in the studio, but everyone was a half second off cue.

And now we have to sit through the recaps of last night. Which is only worth it for the cat fighting between Louis and Kelly.

Side note for anyone who's interested - my 67-year-old, not remotely cool, hip or with it mother likes Rhythmix. The apocalypse may be upon us, folks.

Recaps are done, and if anyone is still awake The Wanted are sure to sort that little problem out. At this point, I'd like to point out that my commitment to this live blogging business and my getting home a bit late from Sunday dinner means that I'm watching this on +1. I could be watching Downton Abbey live, folks - this is what I'm sacrificing for you. So there.

I never remember who The Wanted are. I know they're one of those generic bland boybands, but beyond that I'm lost. Couldn't name you one of their songs for love nor money (despite probably having heard them a million times before), and I'm not 100% sure that I'm still conscious through this performance. There's a lot of poles on stage and an at times slightly inappropriate VT in the background, and a lot of girls screaming in the audience. And they look like they might have a two digit IQ between the five of them. Now they're joined by some girl dancers, many of whom look like they accidentally left the house in their undies. But there's a fire on stage now, so I can see how that sort of thing might happen.

Ooh, Dermot just gave us the Five Minute Warning before lines close. Hold me, The Internets, I'm excited! Lol, jk, no I'm not.

There's a break on now. Which means time for crisps for me. Y'know, I think I have to go out on a limb here and proclaim Hunky Dorys to be my favourite ridged/crinkle cut crisps. They aren't too heavy, they've got a great crunch to them and the flavour is spot on. Definitely better than McCoys, I've gone off them big time. I think having a vending machine in a building I worked in for 3 years constantly stocked with McCoys might be responsible for that - slight overkill. Ditto Tayto's Spirals. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll still eat them if you put them in front of me, just saying they aren't a favourite anymore. My crisp-pleasure has been somewhat nullified by the appearance of Jeremy Kyle on my television. Why is that man? Srsly, just why?

Lines are now closed, votes may still be cast but will not be counted and you will still be charged, blah blah blah. Gary's not worried despite all the judges having a go at his song choices; Tulisa is appealing for people to actually vote; Kelly is nervous and so is Louis. Whatever, Katy Perry is on now. I'm so divided over her. I hate and loathe many things about her (too numerous and long to get into now) and I think she increasingly sounds like she's constipated when she sings, but some of her songs have been right crackers, you can't deny that. I properly love Last Friday Night (the dorky 80s vid might have something to do with that).

Anyway - she's got her pink hair again, and is playing an acoustic guitar. This is a bit...sedate and sincere for her. She's even properly clothed - and she sounds properly in tune too. That didn't happen last time I saw her on X Factor, that's for sure. Her song is about the one that got away and it's well depressing me. Results show live performances are meant to be all about the spectacle - didn't she get the memo? Way to harsh my crisps buzz, Katy. Hmph. Dermot's chatting to her about her UK tour, where Gary suggests a Liverpool nightclub for her to go to. This bit is always awkward and weird.

Sigh, it's another break. Chocolate time, this time.

Right, we're back and the contestants are all coming out to stand on stage, look nervous and hold each other's sweaty, sweaty hands. Kitty seems to have forgotten her trousers, and Frankie's trousers are so tight that they genuinely look like he can't sit down in them.

First through - The Risk. Then Janet. So far, so boring. Craig is through next, then Johnny (which I'm very glad for, I just hope Louis stops clowning him up), then Misha B. Phew. Kitty looks a bit like either she's eaten something she's allergic to or she's injected her entire face with a bucketful of collagen to perpetuate the myth that she's 26. Sami is through next, good. Then Rhythmix. Which is ok, I guess. They def aren't bad or anything, I just can't get that excited about them. Sophie goes through next - that means all of Kelly's acts are through, Tulisa and Louis are left with one act, and Gary with two. Kitty goes through next. To a few boos, I think. And rightly so, she's just too mental and off-putting. This leaves Nu Vibe, Frankie and Marcus. And this is when my internet stream decides to fuck about with me. Through the buffering, it looks like Nu Vibe are up against Frankie for the final. GOOD. They're both well shit. Nu Vibe are clearly going home, though. But it's nice to see that despite all the screaming girls for Frankie and his STUPID, STUPID, STUPID hair, no one likes him.

Seriously, this is basically what Frankie's hair looks like.

Virgin Media, with this buffering (which I keep initially typing as buggering. Ooh err missus, etc etc) you are really killing me. I've also finished my snacks at this point and am very sad face about it. I've got the makings of plenty of chicken sandwiches in the kitchen but that involves a) getting up and b) actually making the sandwiches. This is one of many occasions where a butler would come in well handy. Not to mention in helping me hide my secret identity so that I can fight crime in Gotham City.

X Factory (genuine typo but I'm keeping it cos lol) is back, from what I can gather through the .....Buffering ITV+1. Grrrr indeed. I feel like I'm in one of those adverts for broadband on tv. No idea what crappy song Nu Vibe just sang but it was dull anyway. Gary looks well pissed at Frankie being in the final. I think Gary might get a few surprises along the way about what appeals to the morons voting at home for this show, and what doesn't. Frankie is singing a song. He has this incredible talent of making it sound like every other song he's ever sung. Cos his voice is so generic, bland, boring and unremarkable. I think Gary's just been mesmerised by his tight, tight trousers and his stupid, stupid hair.

Votes now, and Gary is still going on about how much he can't believe Frankie is singing for survival. Get over it, love. He sends home Nu Vibe, obvs. Kelly looks pained and keeps 'umming' and eventually votes to send home Nu Vibe. Tulisa obvs votes for Frankie, leaving it to Louis to either send Nu Vibe home or go to deadlock. Louis milks it for all it's worth and eventually sends home Nu Vibe. Frankie, his hair and his impossibly tight trousers live to fight another day.

Buh-bye then.

Nu Vibe's best bits reel is dull as ditchwater. Tulisa is gutted, doesn't know what went wrong, etc etc. Results show is always such an anti-climax, isn't it? Just once I'd like someone to drop to the floor, lie there prostrate flailing their limbs everywhere and refusing to leave the stage till the security have to come on. A little bit of Jerry Springer wouldn't hurt anyone, is what I'm saying. And that reminds me of this scene from The West Wing:

Brown paper packages tied up with string...

I really am being a bit trigger happy lately with the oul blogging. My apologies for the rambling - procrastination has been a bit of a problem today for sure. Mostly it's my nerves, I think. There's meant to be a conversation that I'm both desperate for and terrified of sometime this week, and it's all rather up in the air, so I'm a bit more anxious than I have been to date.

But anyway. I mentioned in a previous post about how I'd gotten away from the things that I like and care about, so I thought I'd write a little about what those things are, to help me get back into them. I almost can't remember the things that I like, to be honest. So this will probably be rather stream of consciousness-y and waffly. Mmm, waffles....

I love music. I love it. I live for it; or at least I used to. It's a magical thing to me - I will never understand how people sit down to compose a piece of music, I have utterly no comprehension where that comes from. Well, the good music anyway. It enchants and bewitches me, it moves me and lifts me, it lives inside me. It can make the heart soar and sink at the same time. It truly is one of the greatest things humanity has ever created. I'm in awe of it.

I also love film and TV. I studied media studies at university (not as much of a Mickey Mouse course as everyone thinks it is, although I did write a dissertation on The Simpsons and another on the films of Kevin Smith, so maybe I should just be quiet on that front....) so I've always had a rather academic interest in them. Which isn't to say that I don't have an emotional reaction - that's not true at all. I have such an emotional reaction to really well made drama that I've been purposely avoiding it for a really long time now, because I just couldn't take it. It's been a long time since I've watched anything other than a thriller/action/adventure or comedy type film, unless I had to. I want to change that. And I used to be really good at writing about film because I could analyse it like literature, thanks to basically doing just that at university. I miss writing about something and feeling like I know what I'm talking about.

I love ranting. I realise that may not sound like a particularly positive or attractive aspect of my character, not to mention well random, but I genuinely love a good oul rant about something. Not complaining and bitching (something I have a certain amount of experience in.....*sheepish face*), but having a really well crafted rant. My writing is often at its best when I'm giving off about something that really matters to me. My imagination and vocabulary seem to flow more easily, and I'm funnier. And I like being funny.

And I love lolcats. And getting angry at the Daily Mail. And making bad puns, laughing at other people's puns, sleeping, eating pizza, baking, going on touristy trips, running around London like a megadork with a doll of the Doctor and taking photos in front of the "Tardis" at Earls Court tube station, doing things for other people that they really appreciate, Christmas jumpers, Christmas hats, Christmas decorations, Christmas gift wrapping, Christmas music (ok, basically everything to do with Christmas), dancing like an idiot in sweaty clubs to good music, getting my teeth stuck into a project that I get a kick out of, making my nieces and nephews laugh, getting into fresh sheets in bed with clean jammies and clean hair, the smell of anything baking (even if I grumble about the mess my flatmate made making it), the feeling you get when someone genuinely compliments you, crisp sandwiches, bouncy castles, candyfloss on a stick, looking at pictures of cute animals, getting overawed with a feeling of wonderment at the universe, my hair, how much I made my friend laugh that time I did the Shaft dance from Father Ted, singing my lungs out when no one is home, cake, my yellow bag from Pennys that people always comment on, and the smell of the ocean.

There are a lot of things that make me smile and laugh. I have to remember that more often.

To do:

I've been talking about all the things that I need to do to change, to make myself the person I want to be, blah blah blah, but it occurs to me that it might be a good idea to actually list them out so that I can better work on them, and make myself a bit more accountable when it comes to the things I want to achieve. Again, probably of absolutely no interest to anyone else - I really am going to try to come up with something non-head related to write about very soon - but this seems to be keeping me together at the minute, so I'm just going to crack on with it.

So. In no particular order, things I need to stop or start doing:

• Write. I need to write more. About everything and anything. This sort of stuff about myself so that I can try to benchmark what I'm doing (I'm in the middle of a management practices course, can you tell?), and since they do tell you to write about what you know. But I want to write about other stuff too, whether it be short stories, random articles, reviews of music, tv, movies - whatever. I just need to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard in this instance). But I do want to set myself a target of doing the NaNoWriMo thing in November. I want to complete a whole something. Probably not a novel, more likely to be a screenplay or something, but I want to do actually finish something. Doesn't matter if it's crap, just need to finish it. 

• Recruitment stuff. I need to sort out my CV, talk to recruitment agencies and careers guidance people and get a better plan (or even, a plan) for how to get a new job.

• Put my foot down at work. I need to stop giving into everything at work and bending over backwards, doing stupid hours and taking on far too much because I feel it's expected of me or that there's no other option. I have to make it clear that there are limits, and that we have to find another solution. No exception. 

• Re-connect with people. I've drifted away from so many friends over the years. I put it down to them not making the effort to keep in touch with me, and taken it very personally, but I can't know any of that for sure so I really ought to just put it behind me. I don't have to be suddenly best friends with these people, but it would be nice to get in touch again, occasionally talk to and see each other and enjoy each other's company again. I guess under this heading also comes spending more time around my flatmates. I've become so good at avoiding them and keeping a low profile at home that I'm practically a domestic ninja (note to self: write treatment for sitcom called Ninjaz In Da House). All that time spent alone isn't good for me - too much time to day dream and dwell on things. 

• Stop daydreaming. It's sort of an odd thing to say, I suppose, but it's a big problem for me. I spend so much time daydreaming and fantasizing about how I want things to go that I become convinced that that's how they actually will go, making it well nigh impossible to deal with anything that diverges from the fantasy. 

• Treatment. I need to get serious about treatment for this depression/anxiety stuff. I've upped my meds already, so I'll be keeping an eye on that with my doctor, and I've started the Beating the Blues thing. I think I quite like it so far. It's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which I've never had much luck with before, but I understand more than ever now that I need to have certain things to each day, and to hold myself accountable for doing or not doing them. It's a session every week conducted online, and it gives you weekly projects to complete. I've only done the first session so far, so I'll see how it goes. But I think it could be a good support.

• Lose weight/get healthy. I'm not setting myself specific targets for this just yet. I've basically not been eating much for over a week or so because I'd gotten myself into such a state that I was nauseous and completely devoid of appetite. That is slowly starting to return, but I don't want to just jump back into my bad habits of eating junk all the time, I want to start eating healthily again. But (and apologies for the TMI nature of this, but...) healthy food when you've not been eating can have a bit of a fight with your innards, so I'm trying to do it all gradually. I've lost a little bit of weight thanks to the nausea so I want to make sure I keep that off, and it's been a good motivation for me to avoid junk food and comfort eating. The exercise portion of this will need to wait a little bit till I feel physically a bit stronger and have work a bit more sorted out so I can plan out when I'll do things. 

• Do the things I love again. I used to love music and movies. LOVE. I lived for them, they were the only things that kept me going sometimes, and touched and moved me in ways I can't put words to. But lately, I've just been using them as vague distractions, if even. I've found that I couldn't watch or listen to anything 'serious' (for want of a better word) - anything that encouraged much of an emotional reaction in me. Because I was trying to avoid emotional reactions, I guess. I'm a bit wary still of putting myself through the wringer with anything like that, but I want to get into a place again where I live and breathe this stuff like I used to.

• Stop procrastinating. I realise there's a great irony in me saying this, as I often take to this blog when there's something else I want to not do or distract myself from, but I need to just get off my arse and do things when they need doing. It's the only way to build momentum and thus energy. I've had huge problems with it lately, but I think I'm making some tiny inroads with it. 

• Finish and pass my course. I had, of course, wanted to pass my course with a distinction (I'm  a perfectionist, which I will write about at some point in the future), and did well on the first couple of assignments, but since everything sort of fell apart a bit after that I'm just going for a pass now. I was pretty close to throwing in the towel with the whole thing recently, so I just want to get it over and done with, pass it and put it on my CV. Thankfully I've less than a month to go with it, so hopefully I can cross that one off the list soon!

And so, back to work for me.