This sums up my day perfectly thus far.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Thursday, 15 December 2011
Hope?
I'm doing a bit better today. I managed to distract myself yesterday and get a few things done, which helped take my mind off of things a bit. I'm trying really hard not to let myself slip back into all those dark potholes along the road, and I think I'm getting somewhere. Maybe. I hope, anyway. I just have to keep reminding myself of everything that I realised and felt when I had my 'revelation' a few months ago. I need to focus on who I want to be, not who I am now, or what's going on now to upset me. I have to keep in mind who I want to be, who I think I really am underneath all of this shit, and keep trying to get there. That makes it sound a helluva lot easier than it actually is, and I'm not exactly doing cartwheels over here, but I'm trying. That's something, I guess.
As for the whole ex situation, that's a bit more complicated. But I think I might have figured something out there too. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. This doesn't have to be all sorted out perfectly, one way or the other, right now. If we both really meant everything we said about how much we care about each other and wanting to stay friends, then that's how it will be. It won't always be easy or comfortable, but as long as we don't let go of the friendship, we'll figure our way through it somehow. Eventually.
Or something like that. I think I'm less articulate when I'm less upset, for some reason. Makes wanting to be both a writer and sane a little difficult, really. Anyway, I'm trying to get back to real life and not let everything in my head overtake that. Making Christmas presents, baking cookies, working, tidying, doing laundry, all that stuff. May not sound all that exciting or that big of a deal, but anything that might help me cling onto my life is worth a shot.
As for the whole ex situation, that's a bit more complicated. But I think I might have figured something out there too. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. This doesn't have to be all sorted out perfectly, one way or the other, right now. If we both really meant everything we said about how much we care about each other and wanting to stay friends, then that's how it will be. It won't always be easy or comfortable, but as long as we don't let go of the friendship, we'll figure our way through it somehow. Eventually.
Or something like that. I think I'm less articulate when I'm less upset, for some reason. Makes wanting to be both a writer and sane a little difficult, really. Anyway, I'm trying to get back to real life and not let everything in my head overtake that. Making Christmas presents, baking cookies, working, tidying, doing laundry, all that stuff. May not sound all that exciting or that big of a deal, but anything that might help me cling onto my life is worth a shot.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Panic stations...
Hmm. Today is not fun so far. I was out of the office yesterday for a course that I'm doing (for work) and apparently a client came on complaining that they hadn't received something they should've gotten ages ago. Now, the client is perfectly entitled to feel annoyed about this - it's something that slipped my mind. I had been working on it, then I got sick and some other drama reared its head, and it completely slipped off my radar. My fault.
However. I am also the only person in my department. There used to be 3 of us, then 2, then one part time person as well as me, and now it's just me. And we have more work than ever before. I have been trying to point out just how impractical and unsustainable this is to my boss, but being the sort of person that I am, I'm not great with confrontation so I've obviously not been making myself clear enough. I've also been stupid enough to just work all the hours in the day to get things done, and the more that I do this, the more my boss expects it of me.
So the story today is that he doesn't seem to be too happy with me that things have slipped behind, despite my telling him repeatedly that things were behind, and that I was doing my best, but there's only so many hours in the day. And I don't get paid for all that many of them. Therefore, I'm feeling much more anxious and panicky today than I have done in a while. I am trying hard not to get overwhelmed, or to fall apart, and just take deep breaths and concentrate on what I need to do. But I'm very nervous about having to talk to my boss about all of this. It's an inherent part of my nature - I've always been a good girl, who does things by the rules and never gets in trouble. And now I feel like I'm being called into the headmaster's office to be shouted at.
It has also been an inherent part of my nature up until now to feel responsible for everything and to feel like I have to try to fix everything. But that just is not working anymore. I have to try to be strong to just do the work I'm getting paid for and not keep giving into the pressure, but also to make that clear to my boss so that he is aware of my workload.
This is a bit of a meh post, I know, I just find it helpful to write this out to try to keep myself calm instead of getting worked up about it.
However. I am also the only person in my department. There used to be 3 of us, then 2, then one part time person as well as me, and now it's just me. And we have more work than ever before. I have been trying to point out just how impractical and unsustainable this is to my boss, but being the sort of person that I am, I'm not great with confrontation so I've obviously not been making myself clear enough. I've also been stupid enough to just work all the hours in the day to get things done, and the more that I do this, the more my boss expects it of me.
So the story today is that he doesn't seem to be too happy with me that things have slipped behind, despite my telling him repeatedly that things were behind, and that I was doing my best, but there's only so many hours in the day. And I don't get paid for all that many of them. Therefore, I'm feeling much more anxious and panicky today than I have done in a while. I am trying hard not to get overwhelmed, or to fall apart, and just take deep breaths and concentrate on what I need to do. But I'm very nervous about having to talk to my boss about all of this. It's an inherent part of my nature - I've always been a good girl, who does things by the rules and never gets in trouble. And now I feel like I'm being called into the headmaster's office to be shouted at.
It has also been an inherent part of my nature up until now to feel responsible for everything and to feel like I have to try to fix everything. But that just is not working anymore. I have to try to be strong to just do the work I'm getting paid for and not keep giving into the pressure, but also to make that clear to my boss so that he is aware of my workload.
This is a bit of a meh post, I know, I just find it helpful to write this out to try to keep myself calm instead of getting worked up about it.
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