Justice is blind.

I am watching Daredevil for the first time. This might be the most hilarious movie of all time. Thus, what follows is a stream of consciousness type review of the movie as I watch it. Probably something better suited to Twitter, but since I'm taking a break from social networking, this will have to do instead.

I love the internet.

Ben Affleck is his usual wooden self, as a blind lawyer who's an ass-kicking vigilante superhero at night. So far, I've gotten to the bit where he meets Jennifer Garner (Elektra Nachos, or something like that), and ends up having a martial arts-off with her in a kids playground, in full daylight and in front of the kids. They can't decide if this is meant to be hilarious, or a deadly serious action sequence. Action has its role in comedy, but you've gotta commit to it, y'know?

Cheesy doesn't even come close. Now, don't get me wrong - I love me some cheese. Big fan of the smelly stuff, big fan. But it's a little bit hard to tell whether or not this movie actually knows that it's cheese.

Also what the hell is up with Affleck's hair in this movie?! I mean, I know the dude is blind but COME ON [/Gob Bluth].

And Colin Farrell as Irish hitman Bullseye who can make a dart out of a paperclip? GENIUS. Farrell is actually a brilliant comic actor, so I have high hopes for his character. And right on cue, he just killed an annoying old lady on a plane by flicking a peanut into her gullet cos she wouldn't shut up. I FRAKKING LOVE THIS MOVIE.

Since this is set in Hell's Kitchen, if there isn't a "can't stand the heat, get out of the Kitchen" like pretty soon, I'm gonna be well disappointed.

This is so much the poor man's Batman, it's hilarious. 

Seriously, is that a wig Affleck is wearing? It cannot be his real hair, it just can't. It's the real MARVEL in this movie. See what I did there, eh? Eh? Ah, my wit is wasted on yous.

And the obligatory 'blind man touches beautiful girl's face' scene. Followed by the 'blind man can somehow see in the rain' scene. Yeah, I dunno what the hell that's about either.

Jon Favreau is typically pretty good. As such, he's a little out of place in this movie.

This whole 'lawyers who only represent innocent people' thing - isn't that sort of against whatever the lawyer version of the Hippocratic oath is? (You can tell I'm well versed on all this legal stuff).

Also, Jennifer Garner's boobs are highly unnatural. And no, I'm not providing a photo of that.

Affleck just promised Garner that nothing bad is going to happen. BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR HAIR, BEN. THE WORST IS ALREADY UPON US.

God love Colin Farrell, he's hamming it up like Peppa Pig out here. He just killed Papa Nachos (What? I can't be bothered looking up the proper spelling) with Daredevil's blind stick thingy. Which the baldy journo starts to figure out belongs to blind lawyer guy, but Elektra can't figure it out even when she's shagged him. Bit dim, her.

It's Papa Nachos' funeral, but I need to pee, so apologise if I miss an important part of the movie while I'm gone.

I'm back, and Kevin Smith is asking if we want to see something really cool. It's the stick that killed Papa Nachos, and the journo just realised that the stick is actually a blind man's white stick. And what's more, he thinks he's seen it before....dun-dun-duuuun!!!

*light bulb*

Bullseye just met with the Big Bad Guy (The Kingpin) who wants him to kill Elektra, I think. I don't know, I wasn't paying all that much attention to be fair. But at the end of this bad guy versus bad guy exchange. Farrell leans in and menacingly grunts that.....he wants a costume. Srsly.

Now Elektra (also a superhero type) is working out with knives and bags full of sand to a rousing soundtrack of Evanescence. Good. Grief.

Now Elektra is kicking Daredevil's ass, cos she thinks he's responsible for her father\s death and obvs doesn't know he's her main squeeze. That, or she's just really had enough of his stupid hair. Who could blame her? She's stabbed him in the shoulder, and can't tell from looking at the lower half of his face from about 4 inches away that he's the bloke she's been shagging. OMG, srsly like.

Elektra goes to do battle with Bullseye, where she throws a big knifey thing at him, he catches it and throws it back. So she catches it. With the palm of her hand sort of getting in the way. Who tries to catch a knife like that, when they have another one in their hand? Pick it up later, love ffs.

Bullseye also seems to like to do card tricks, whipping out an ace of spades from nowhere and slashing Elektra's throat with it a little. "Illusion, Bulleye, illusion!! A trick is something a whore does for money!" Which clearly applies to no one in this film. Nooooo.....

Oh aye, and Bullseye also stabbed Elektra right in the stomach. Oh noes, etc etc.

This whole fight scene in the church between Bullseye and Daredevil (complete with a giant organ that they pull apart to hit each other with, and actual bats in the belfry) is just a tad too mental for me to comment on. I'm literally like:

And what is the deal with this Irish priest? Other than to embarrass the entire Irish nation, between him and Bullseye. I guess he's meant to be something of an Alfred-type character, but that's not really made clear enough. It feels like there might've been a lot of stuff cut out of this (hilarious, given what they left in) that might've helped to develop it a bit. Either that, or I've passed out occasionally from the sheer hilarious-slash-ridiculousness of it all.

So anyways. Daredevil has gone to fight the Kingpin, he smashes something with water in it to help him 'see' better, and he ends up kicking Kingpin in the knee, which makes the huge dude cry like a little girl. I don't get it.

Aw, then we get the scene where Daredevil could deliver the death blow to the Kingpin, but chooses not to cos he's all healed of his vengeance and shit now, which his wee Irish priest will be very pleased about.

And after some boring shit about the Kingpin being arrested by the cops, baldy journo deciding not to reveal the true identity of Daredevil and Elektra leaving a sign for The Terrible Haired One, that's that. Well, apart from a coda at the end where we see Bullseye in a full body cast, being irritated by a fly which he eventually manages to nail to the wall with a syringe despite being basically immobile.

So, there we go. Potential to be hilariously awful, but it gets just a wee bit too boring in places for that. It can't make up its mind if it's trying to be funny, or trying to be serious, and it ends up being a bit like a fallen souffle in the process. Action movies can have very funny scenes in them, and have a great sense of humour - there's plenty of examples of this, especially in the comic book movie genre, but this one just doesn't work. At all. Although, having Ben Affleck in it should've been the first sign. Still, good for a laugh, even if it's not a very well intentioned laugh.

This, however, is a movie I would love to see. It...would....be....in....credible!