Hmm. Today has been a bit bumpy. I was feeling very under pressure and irritated at work, and because of certain things on my mind I'm starting to get rather anxious and getting that flippy feeling in my stomach - the bad kind. I'm trying not to give into it, I just can't put my finger on what I need to do to get rid of it though. I'm not feeling very clear on anything, I feel a bit fuzzy, if that makes sense. I don't like that. I was getting used to not feeling like that - numb and vacant. I don't want it back plz.
I think working on my CV tonight might help a bit. It might help me regain some sense of control, plus I really do need to set the wheels in motion to get myself a new job. I'll need to take a day soon to make appointments with recruitment agencies and the like, just go round all of them with copies of my CV and get things started. It'll take a while for anything to come of that, so the sooner I get on it the better.
Time is bothering me a bit at the minute too. I'm trying not to focus on regrets or anything like that, but I can't help but wish that all this had happened a few months back, at the start of the summer. But, that's hardly productive thinking so there's no point thinking about it, really.
I feel like I'm really getting into the hard part of this now. It was one thing making the connections and having this big moment of realisation, and the sort of high that carried me on for a few days - but now the stuff that bothers me is starting to rear its ugly head again, and I'm getting more embroiled in the 'fight' aspect of this. I'm still determined, though. And perhaps most importantly - I'm noticing when I'm slipping back a bit, and trying my best not to let it get the better of me. This won't be easy, but I can and will do it. I have to. I've let enough of my life get messed up by it, I won't let that happen again.
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