I realise this is basically becoming an online diary, which is probably not the most interesting thing to blog about, but meh whatever. I'm hoping that somewhere along the way of my meandering waffling I occasionally stumble across something vaguely interesting or useful or insightful, so I'll keep going. I think it's doing me good, anyway. I'm trying not to be quite so introspective and all "me, me, me" about this, but sort of measuring how I'm doing. I feel like it's keeping me a bit accountable to the things that I want to do and the changes I need to make.
So, anyway. A couple of things I've noticed over the last 24 hours or so. My energy is waning a little bit (though I'm still experiencing some nausea and my appetite isn't really back so I guess that isn't helping), and I'm finding it a bit more difficult not to let my mind wander. I have this habit that I've had almost as long as I can remember of fantasizing tiny little things. I don't know if this is common in people who suffer from depression, or in anyone, because for me at least, it's the sort of thing I feel a tad embarrassed about admitting to. But I tend to have sort of daydreaming conversations in my head anytime I'm alone with people. I'm finding it tough to not do that at the minute. It's almost an automatic thing, and I do it especially to comfort myself. But I know that it's not going to do me any good, really. It's wishful thinking, to a certain extent, and lulling myself into a false sense of security that everything will be ok.
I'm trying not to be down on myself about it though. Just to try to stop when I catch myself doing it. I'm trying to distract myself as much as possible, with work and an incredibly patient and understanding friend who's been keeping me sane the last few days.
So, I guess I need to add sitting around daydreaming to my list of things that need to change! Less daydreaming and more doing, I suppose.
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